Medical/pharmaceutical lobby group calls for emergency response to “Age Deficiency Syndrome”

April 1st, 2018, CNN* — The Institute for the Promotion of Cloning (IPC), a medical/pharmaceutical lobbying group, has issued a report calling for an emergency response to a crisis of what it calls “Age Deficiency Syndrome” or ADS.  According to the IPC, there are an estimated 1.9 billion ADS victims worldwide.  The IPC defines ADS victims as anyone who is 5 or more years developmentally or chronologically retarded compared to a 20-year-old adult.

This crisis, according to IPC spokesperson H.V. Nomorkids, has long been hidden with euphemisms like “infancy” or “childhood.”  In fact, he says, “An extreme ADS sufferer can be 18 years developmentally and mentally retarded compared to a 20-year-old, and yet this extreme suffering is brushed off by labeling such a victim as a ‘two-year-old,’” he says.

Citing the IPC study, he claims this leads to incredible suffering that has long been ignored and dismissed with misleading labels like “growing pains.”  “This so-called two-year-old is really the victim of an 18-year case of ADS who will be forced to go through years of suffering and torment before the natural immune system finally copes with it through so-called “natural growth.”

Dr. Rex Clonem of the IPC claims his Institute has come up with a system to cure ADS worldwide.  “Our plan is to take skin grafts from all ADS sufferers and use them to create fully adult clones,” he says.  “Once the adult replacement clones are awakened, the ADS sufferers can be put out of their misery through medical euthanasia,” he says.  In addition, he says the worldwide shortage of transplant organs could be alleviated overnight by harvesting the organs of the euthanized ADS victims.

There would be many social advantages to this system, according to the IPC report.  “For one thing, traditional child-rearing practices result in the inefficient transmission of archaic cultural traditions like ‘religion,’ ‘morals,’ and ‘individual personality,’” the report claims.  “Adult clones can be created free of these flaws and fully indoctrinated with the ruling secret government ideology of technocratic materialism,” the report continues.

The report also says that mild ADS sufferers, “16-19-year-olds,” could be treated with age-enhancing drugs to relieve the residual symptoms.

“This is the most outrageous thing I have ever heard,” says I.M. Mature of the Peter Pan Institute for Eternal Youth.  “These people just want to make money building cloning facilities and selling aging drugs by labeling “childhood” as a disease, when in reality it is a time of carefree innocence,” he says.

Reverend R. Epent of the Pan-Theological Institute for the Promotion of Religious Guilt, for his part, claims that “The Creator makes us suffer through childhood and infancy as punishment for the sins of our past and future lives, and so it would be an abomination for humanity to try to end this suffering.”

“This is a typical Western medical approach to a problem that is best dealt with through natural cures like strong doses of opiates or naturally sourced arsenic,” says Dr. P. Oysonem of the Institute for Dealing with Youth in Asia.

In any case, the IPC admits it will probably take years of lobbying before their recommendations will be put into action.

*Clone News Network

Leave a Reply

16 Comments on "Medical/pharmaceutical lobby group calls for emergency response to “Age Deficiency Syndrome”"

  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
littledogg

I for ONE see this as April ONE “Foolery”.
CNN.. rrrrrreally!
None the less… glad to b just a ill doggie🐕
And “Hey! To all you bunnies n chicks out there.”
🐇🐣🐤🐦🐑

siggi

LOL
“strong doses of opiates or naturally sourced arsenic,………….”
Thanks
siggi

littledogg

Us dogs n cats know “what’s what.”
Best stick with us on a day like today.

🐕🐈

deester
neal21

No mor kids??? Seriously?

newswatcher

Deester – – – Excellent Plan for Easter/April 1 hahahah. Really appreciate your presence on this blog, even if you are from AB. lol. Moe from ToonTown. Have a great Easter.

littledogg

deester #401204

HA… HA…. HA… HA 😉

MARCUSS LEE

Hahaha so funny…….thanks Ben

Christen

LOL!! Well done!

jujubean

Almost got me :)))

jimh

Good news for ADS sufferers.
I always wondered what was wrong with me when I was young.
I wonder if IP Freely knows anything about this?

roman

Sounds like a load of nonsense to me

Fates Whynot

Hmm Interestesting..

But, in actuality, although this is a humorous article; it also portrays the authors take on the subject, as a point of his interest. Why write on this topic without context, unless directed and well worth the value of placing it as the weekly update.

I agree, there isn’t much news, or is there?

Happy April 1st
– Fates

clnascaC

Soft Disclosure ?

Michael Timberman
Michael Timberman

I thought I was reading The Onion until I got to the bottom: Clone News Network. A most excellent piece!!!

baconandeggs101
baconandeggs101

Happy April Fools to you to, Ben.